When you go out, you go hard. So the morning after, oatmeal just isn’t going to cut it. Check out these ridiculous breakfasts from around the country… one of these and a tall glass of Blowfish are just what the doctor* ordered to soothe your most brutal hangover.
We’re totally on board with anything served in a skillet. You never see a skillet dish that’s not loaded with starchy, meaty, rib-sticking goodness, and the Heap is no exception. It’s a jaw-dropping amalgam of home fries, eggs and cheese, plus there are seven – count ‘em, seven –kinds of meat to add.
The Shopsin’s menu clocks in at 900 items, so we’ll make it easier for your hungover ass to make a decision: ORDER THIS THING. It may look like your standard scrambled eggs and bacon sandwiched between two pancakes. But the bacon is maple flavored, and the cakes have mac and cheese mixed in, which elevates the dish from breakfast to some kind of art.
If you’re not feeling the mac-and-cheese and want a pancake that could eat you for breakfast, try this one. These fluffy monstrosities even come in hair-of-the-dog flavors like banana rum and apple brandy, making them a perfect one-stop shop for your hangover blues. One cake can serve two people, or just you after a really big night.
These messy, deconstructed omelets are a perfect metaphor for how you feel before you dig in. The egg base is layered with home fries, and then piled with anything you could possibly want in your delicate state. The “Hungry Tiger,” for instance, has three kinds of meat and four cheeses – one more of either and the universe might just implode.
For a restaurant that serves a “massaged kale salad” (what does that even mean?) Jam sure knows meat. Their egg sandwich comes with thick, juicy pork shoulder instead of that bologna-esque strip of ham in your bodega breakfast roll. Ricotta salata takes the place of plastic American cheese, and adding just a soupcon of pretension is a fancy plum preserve. This is an above-average breakfast for an above-average hangover.
No epic breakfasts near you? No problem. Just upcycle two easy-to-find McDonalds items into one awesome sandwich. Lifechanging.
*No actual doctors were consulted in the writing of this post. But we’re sure they would agree that these breakfasts are amazing.